“I am 16 and pregnant. My boyfriend is 17 and the only person who knows about it. I’m 8 weeks along and haven’t gone to a doctor yet. I am so scared to tell anyone, especially my parents. I dread telling them because I come from a well-educated family of doctors and teachers. I’m an honor student and plan on becoming a doctor myself. Everyone’s expectations of me are high, and having a baby would disappoint everyone. I thought about getting an abortion, but my parents are totally against that and very religious. How do I tell my parents I’m pregnant?
I am scared and in denial. I need some advice. Please help.”
Right now, you might be feeling confused, frightened, or shocked. You might have even rehearsed what to say over and over again. Remember, you and your boyfriend are both pregnant: this isn’t just your problem. It’s common to be in denial in your situation; many young women think, “This can’t really be happening.”
Sometimes, talking with your family can be the hardest part of dealing with a pregnancy, especially if you are young. Once the news of your pregnancy is out, a lot of pressure and fear lessens. Your parents will begin to accept the reality of the pregnancy, look at the options, and make plans.
How Do I Tell My Parents I’m Pregnant?
There may be a lot going on emotionally and physically with you during your pregnancy. What can make a difference is support from your friends and family. Breaking the news can be done in several ways. Here are some tips to have an open conversation with your parents as you figure out what to do next.
1. Know the Facts
Before talking with your parents:
- Determine how far along you are in your pregnancy or your estimated due date.
- Learn accurate information about all your pregnancy options.
- Come prepared with facts to support your discussion.
2. Consider Your Plan
Remember, no one — not even your parents — can decide for you. You’re the mother of your baby, and you have the right to make choices for yourself and your child’s future. Take the time to be honest with yourself about what you want.
Think about your feelings regarding parenthood. When you understand your stance, you’ll find it easier to share your thoughts and decisions with those close to you. Here are some helpful questions to guide your thinking:
- How involved will my parents be? Can I continue living at home, and will they help financially?
- What are my options for childcare?
- Will my baby’s father participate or support me?
- If I consider options like adoption, would my parents support that choice, and would they want to stay involved?
- Am I prepared to pause my education to care for my baby?
You don’t need to rush—take time to explore your options thoroughly. Consider talking to a professional for guidance.
3. Have the Conversation
Choose a private, relaxed time and place to speak with your parents, where you can openly share your feelings and listen to theirs.
- If it helps, bring a trusted friend or adult for extra support.
- Ask your parents to listen fully before responding.
- Be open and honest, aiming for a calm discussion without arguments. Be willing to answer their questions.
- Share any plans you’ve considered or ask for their help in making a plan.
- Suggest talking again soon if they need time to process.
You might want to include other trusted people in your life, like a teacher, counselor, pastor, or friend. They can give you helpful advice and different answers to your question, “How do I tell my parents I’m pregnant?” Make sure to listen to everything, but don’t rush into any big decisions right away. Even with all the support and advice you get, this is your choice to make.
Remember, parents often have hopes and dreams for their children. Even though a surprise pregnancy might not be what they expected, it doesn’t mean they won’t be there for you.
You don’t have to give up your dreams, but they will take a back seat for a while. Both you and your boyfriend’s lives will change. Take some time to explore your options, including becoming a parent, getting an abortion, or making an adoption plan.
If you are looking for someone to talk to about adoption, call or text Lifetime Adoption at 1-800-923-6784.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on January 9, 2019, and has since been updated.